DOTLAN EveMaps

Welcome to BATTLESTAR FEDERATION!!!

Before we get started, there are a few things you'll need:

1) Shit-teir fittings

Nothing is more effective than a well-fit ship, which is why we avoid educating our members at all cost! We aren't aiming for success, efficiency, or even fun! Our goal is to go broke as quickly as possible while simultaneously draining our members of funds and life through hours of menial, money-making tasks. Ever seen a battleship with T1 fittings and minimal pilot skills? You will with us!

2) A near non-existant knowledge base of EVE Online

We definitely don't want to be the best corp in EVE. We also don't want to be the worst. We want to be worse than the worst! If you know how to undock, we want you. If you possess any, and I do mean any, knowledge past that, you may be overqualified for this corp. I'm not kidding. We love new players for their lack of knowledge and we build on that lack of knowledge through misguidance and inexperience

3) Listening skills

I cannot express how much I love the sound of my own voice. It's like God is sticking his lubricated cock right into my ear everytime I hear my own voice. Because of this, I assume everyone loves my voice as much as I do. So be prepared to listen to long, boring, unneccesary lectures on what it means to be a leader. Keep in mind, these lectures will have nothing to do with EVE or EVE mechanics. Just leader stuff. You'll understand when you're a leader

4) A need for meaningless titles

As much as I would like to promote a member who has been in our corp for less than five minutes to Grand Admiral of War and Industry, General Rank, Hundred Star War Lord, I cannot. However, I can totally do that in my own made-up world through the use of TS3 icons! If you aren't sold simply off of that, just keep walking

5) A relaxed throat and some tough knees

You guessed it! A narcissistic megalomaniac such as I loves nothing more than a good cock sucking. As your fearless leader who was elected for absolutely no reason, I expect to be throat deep in every single one of my members at all time. If I can hear your words clearly, you don't have nearly enough dick in your mouth. You had better sound like the parents from Charlie Brown at all times, Soldier! Or Sailor... Marine? I dunno, nobody's actually going to keep up with which armed services branch we emulate. Speaking of which, I was in Air Force ROTC or something, which basically makes me a war hero. Extra dick sucking for that!

6) Get involved in bizzare witch hunts against the "evil-doers" of EVE

I'm gonna rant about how evil EVE is and how righteous I am. Constantly. Don't bother asking where I get my facts, or I'll ban you for being evil. I have a divine task of protecting EVE-babies from EVE-baddies and I won't let any "logic" or "ethics" or "reality checks" get in my way! Either you're against me or mostly againt me!

That's all! As a side-note, prepare for embarrassing, cringe-worthy manuscripts loosly based off of Battlestar Galactica and poorly written sci-fi novels. Fly with a low chance of success! o/

Signed,
Your "fearless-never-lived-in-nullsec-or-acomplished-anything" leader
Admiral Foxbolt
Admiral Foxbolt

P.S. I was in Air Force ROTC! Pretty cool, huh! Of course it is...

P.S.S. Here is a failed attempt at running a corporation in EVE that crashed through no fault of my own!

BATTLESTAR UNVANQUISHED

And here's my future attempt!

BATTLESTAR FEDERATION.

Be sure to place bounties on myself and my corp!